And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
