so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dick very happy bro
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize