Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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