I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
