??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
