genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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