the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
