The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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