I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
