My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize