just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
try to milk me bitch
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
