He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
