I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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