Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
