dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
