My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
