they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
