is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
