I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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