You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
