Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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