i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
