Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
