nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
