Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
