then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
