no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
