woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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