I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
