What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
