You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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