I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
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