I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
