party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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