Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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