if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
