You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
