Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
