I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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