Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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