and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
