I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
