i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
