It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
