Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
