i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
