right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
