That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
