Just fell off a train. Bad.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
