think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
