Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
