is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
