I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
