so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
