I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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