just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
