yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
