You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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