Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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